Reaching Out
by elspeth725
Summary: Kaoru's thoughts on a certain rurouni (one-shot)


Genre: Yass (Yet another sappy songfic) and Pwp (Plot what plot?!!!) and SAP!  
  
Warnings: Ok, if you guys are even bothered by anything in this fic….you have issues. //_^  
  
Disclaimers: RK… mine?!! I wish!  
  
Enjoy! I hope…  
  
  
  
What must I do to make you understand?  
  
You mean everything to me.  
  
Don't have the strength to say  
  
Give this heart of mine a chance  
  
Maybe then you will see  
  
I'll do anything, do anything that you tell me  
  
I'll be there, I'll be there If you need me  
  
  
  
Reaching out  
  
Lea Salonga  
  
  
  
I love mornings, when everything is quiet & the sun has barely risen. I spend most of my mornings thinking. Thinking about everything that pops into my mind. The past, the people around me, even the future or at least what I imagine my future was going to be like. I sit out on the wooden porch outside my room and think, enjoying the morning sun.  
  
Today was no different.  
  
Or perhaps it was….  
  
My attention was quickly a captured when he moved out into the yard. It seems he's doing the laundry earlier than usual.  
  
I watch him sometimes when I think I'll go unnoticed. I enjoy watching him even if he was doing something as simple as what he was doing now. He had this quiet supple grace that called your attention. And yet for all that there was nothing remotely feminine about the way he moved, it was supremely masculine. He was a handsome man, some might even say beautiful. Kind, generous, strong, frighteningly intelligent and almost painfully polite…to me he is all that and more.  
  
I wonder if he knows how I feel. How I can't stop thinking about him. That I love him.  
  
I loved him from the very beginning.  
  
A lot of women probably think the same way but with me it's only the truth. I can probably even pinpoint the exact moment that I started to realize it.  
  
It was when I first found out he was Battousai, when he was about to leave.  
  
And I knew.  
  
I knew that I had to stop him from leaving or I'll never have a second chance. I panicked; I didn't know how to make him stay, I just knew that I had to. So yelled out the first thing that came to my mind, which was a very loud and resounding BAKA!!! I probably shouldn't have said that, but the look on his face was so amusing and well his response gave me enough time convince him to stay.  
  
Stay he did. And I was happy, though I lived in fear each day thinking that he'd leave, I was happy. Each ohayo, each de gozaru, each oro and yes, even each blasted Kaoru-dono brought a smile to my lips. In fact they still do. I wonder if he knows that.  
  
And then he had to leave. I would never forget that day. Nor would I forget the way it felt when I heard him say 'sessha wa rurouni'. I was devastated; I thought that I had lost him for good. I felt the world, as I know it, crashing down. I could only cry. I didn't even know I got back to the dojo. Everything was in a haze. Nothing mattered anymore, only that he was gone and that he was never coming back.  
  
It took harsh words from Megumi to bring me to my senses. Sometimes when I think back to it, I still remember how each word stung or how the slap hurt but what hurt the most was when I realized….  
  
I was a coward.  
  
I was a coward because I gave up. I gave up before I even fought.  
  
And I knew I had to bring him back.  
  
It was that determination that kept me going until I reached Kyoto. It was that determination that gave me courage to fight.  
  
But when everything was over and done with he came home and that was what mattered to me.  
  
He came home.  
  
I was content. He was beside me again.  
  
But I guess my contentment could not last long. I see the pain he tried so hard to hide sometimes and it cuts at me. I feel so helpless against his pain. If he'd only let me I would do anything to ease his pain. He has suffered so much. His parents dying, his childhood stolen from him by death and slavers, his friends massacred and Tomoe…  
  
Tomoe….  
  
My biggest obstacle…. No it's not because I resent her. In fact I am grateful to her. She was Kenshin's oasis. The person who kept him sane in a time when it would be so easy to lose one's self. The one who taught him how to love in a time where there was no love to spare.  
  
Yes, I am grateful that he had her in his life.  
  
But I am everything she's not. Brash, violent, no womanly graces to speak of. How could I live up to her? How could Kenshin even want me after her?  
  
That's what I fear the most that he doesn't love me. That he cannot love me.  
  
I wonder if he knows how many nights I stay up wondering about how he felt about me. Wondering if he felt the same overwhelming emotion that I feel.  
  
I wish I could just come right out and say it. Tell him that I love him.  
  
But I wouldn't know what to say or how to start.  
  
But my eyes tell the story.  
  
I wonder if he sees it.  
  
So many questions, so much doubt maybe I'll never get my answer but I….  
  
"Kaoru-dono?"  
  
I looked up to find him standing in front of me. Looking over his shoulder I found all the clothes washed and hung. I must have been sitting there for hours.  
  
"H..Hai?" I managed to get out.  
  
"Daijoubo ka?" He asked quietly, squatting down to meet my gaze.  
  
And as I looked into his violet eyes I saw concern and…..  
  
something else….  
  
I saw that what I've been looking for was in his eyes all this time.  
  
I saw the answers to all my questions and my fears.  
  
His eyes tell his story.  
  
I have my answers.  
  
And as he reached to take my hand in his…  
  
I smiled.  
  
  
  
What must I do so I can make you see?  
  
The light that shines in my eyes.  
  
You brighten up my day  
  
You even helped me find my way.  
  
I wish you're always by my side  
  
And I can't stop don't know how to stop thinking of you  
  
And I'll do anything; do anything to be near you.  
  
Reaching out to you  
  
Do you feel it too?  
  
Loving you is all I wanna do  
  
I'm completely sure  
  
I've never felt this way before.  
  
When I smile you know  
  
That there is something more  
  
Deep inside you know  
  
That there is something more.  
  
  
  
Reaching Out  
  
Lea Salonga  
  
  
  
Author's notes:  
  
  
  
Another pointless fic from your neighborhood fic writer.  
  
Yes, Elspeth is SAPPY person.  
  
Sorry about the amount of sap in this one. Or cheese as the case may be.  
  
some oociness…gomen  
  
C & C are welcome, so are death threats against anymore fics by me!! Tell me what you think, k?  
  
  
  
Thanks for reading!  
  
Ja!  
  
elspeth 


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